Leave the Office Early day is an annual event that takes place each June 2nd, unless that happens to fall on a weekend in which case it is observed on the closest workday. Luckily for us all, this year the holiday is observed on Friday. Let’s face it, we’ve all felt like we were going to jump up from our desks and run screaming from the room by the end of Friday before—especially when the weather is nice.
This Friday is your chance to finally act upon that urge. Once your real work is done for the day, forget the busywork you pretend to do at the end of every workweek. Get an early start on your weekend trip, get to the bar in time for happy hour, or simply enjoy being far away from your boss. The only thing standing between you and your early day off is HR, and that is why we have brought you this list.
The Best Ways to Get HR On Your Side for "Leave the Office Early Day"
Chances are the HR lady wants to go home early too, so give the following tactics a try:
Tell Them You Have a Dog Emergency
What kind of a dog-hating monster wants your precious puppy to be alone in its time of need? This tactic is most effective if you have a framed photo of your dog on your desk. It’s also helpful to get your coworkers to show concern, because no one wants to be the only person in the room who doesn’t care.
Say You Have Terrible Gas
Who wants to sit in the office with that? Not your boss, anyone in HR, or any of your coworkers, that’s who. Mention an unfortunate burrito lunch and clutch your stomach for emphasis.
Blame Your Sudden Gynecologist/Proctologist Appointment
What kind of a last-minute emergency appointment involves these doctors? Your boss doesn’t want to know, and neither does anyone else in the office. Okay, they do want to know, but they want to find out later through gossip and not directly from you while it is happening.
"My Dad Just Got Out of Jail"
Claim your most likely to offend relative is being released from jail, they are depending on you for a ride, and they are going to be angry if you are late. Like, revenge-seeking angry.
Check your phone then urgently leap up from your desk and rush directly to the person in charge of letting you leave. Do not offer an excuse. Say simply, “I’m sorry, but I have to leave immediately, and I am not free to discuss it.” On your personnel form, write PERSONAL. Make inquiring further feel wrong.
The HR department may not ever look at you the same, but the important thing is, happy hour ends at 5:00. You work hard every week, and you deserve this holiday. (Disclaimer: You didn't get these from us.)